My name is Payton. I am eighteen-years-old. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never been in a “serious” relationship with a guy. At this moment, I’m no where close to getting married. And I’m okay with that. Now some of you are thinking, “Wait a minute, Petie, isn’t getting married your biggest dream ever?” Well, yeah, it is. But it hasn’t happened yet.
The older I get, the more I get asked if I’m getting worried since there is no man in my life. But the honest and raw answer is… no, I’m not worried. Which surprises even me since I used to joke that I wanted to be married by my nineteenth birthday. But I’m honestly not concerned about it. I’ve never even had that oh-no-what-if-I-end-up-an-old-maid moment yet.
The truth is, the reason I’m not wondering about the lack of a guy in my life is because I believe God has me right where He wants me right now. And obviously, He doesn’t think I’m ready to get married yet, or He needs me to finish my present work for Him before I move on and have my own family. At this point in my life, I’m working on my writing (and hopefully getting closer and closer to publication), serving my family, serving others, and serving the Lord. I’ve recently been convicted of my extreme selfishness. I realized I spend too much time on myself and my wants. So one of my “resolutions,” per se, was to be bold and aggressive in finding ways to serve others, things that have no focus on me whatsoever (i.e., volunteer work, ministry opportunities, or just helping someone out for a day). Things like this and my writing are what I know God wants me doing right now. So how can I be bored or wishing for marriage if I’m busy doing the Lord’s work?
If you know me even a tiny bit, then you know that my biggest dreams are to be a published author, travel, and be married, not necessarily in that order. But God has been teaching me a lot about contentment lately. I want to do this, I want to do that… And God says no. Not yet. No, Petie, you can’t get married right now because you still have some growing to do. No, Petie, you can’t run off to England and live in London (at least not yet… mwuahahaha) because I need you to stay right here in Oklahoma and do My work here for now.
Another reason I’m not worried about marriage is because I’m so excited. That may sound like an oxymoron, but I cannot wait to see who God will bring, when He will do it, and how. It may be years from now, or it may be tomorrow. But I know He’ll orchestrate everything in His perfect timing, so why should I be concerned?
If I were being totally honest, I would say the idea of never marrying scares me. But that doesn’t mean I should worry myself to death over it, or I should just sit at home and wait for a guy to fall from the sky. One of these days, I believe God will point out That Special Someone and say, “There he is. You’re ready for him now.” But that day is not today. Basically, what I’m trying to say is God didn’t give me these single years so I could sit around and wait; He gave them to me so I could live, embrace this life and live it to the fullest. So I’ll go on living and working and writing and serving and praying and drinking coffee. Right here. Right now. And that’s okay with me.
AND WUV. TWU WUV WILL FOWWOH ME FOHEVAH.